you know that sigh of relief that you breathe
when you realize it's over?

that wake up and realize it was just a nightmare sigh of relief
that thank God i don't have to go through this anymore

and then the sinking feeling that all the pain...
all the time and effort you put in
for months
days upon days
countless conversations
endless laughter
joy
smiles
kisses
love.....
it was all for nothing
it was a lie
and you'll never be able
to get those pieces of your heart back

that part of you dies
and in its place is a cold
empty
shell of a person
walls come up
and it can take years for someone to be able to penetrate them again

now you go back to loveless sex
with people you don't really care about
and you dive deeper into the drugs
to make sure you stay cold
emotionless
empty
protected.